We awaken together

Whew! Just in from a week long retreat given by the monastics from the Green Mountain Dharma Center and Maple Forest Monastery in Vermont who practice in the tradition of Thich Nhat Hanh. The retreat took place on a beautiful college campus in Massachusetts and neither the near scorching heat nor the non-airconditioned dorms could dampen our enthusiasm or group spirit. The numbers were small, a few dozen adults and nearly as many children it seemed, so it was possible to really connect in dharma discussion groups and in the abundant leisure time as well.

One day of the retreat was called "Lazy Day", a day set aside for our choice of spiritual pursuit such as sitting meditation, spiritual reading, walking meditation, volleyball, frisbee, capture the flag, or just hanging out on the lawn! Zenkid, my 13 year old daughter and roommate, and I decided to stay pretty much in the rhythm of the other days. I got up at the usual time for early sitting then planned to spend most of the day reflecting and writing. ZK arose early as well and headed to the pond where the teens had been meditating. I asked her to just let me know when she changed locations.

Some of the adults later reported feeling a little lost with free time on their hands and apparently ZK had the same issue...I had just sunken into some lovely silence when I heard the brrrr, brrrr of my cell phone vibrating. Text message: "At pond. Ground is wet. Mosquitoes. Going to med hall." I answer, "Ground will be dry later. Ok". I take a deep breathe and start to settle in. Thirty minutes later, brrrr brrrr. "At med hall. No one is here. Where is everyone?"
I peck back, "It's early. Meditate anyway." And so it continued even as each of us changed locations. "In chapel. Bad smell", "Don't like soccer", "What should I wear to rose ceremony", "Where are my sweats"... No joke, I counted. Twelve messages.

So it felt like I spent my lazy day in little segments reminding myself that she was doing what I had asked her to do and acknowledging that children can just be plain inconvenient. We met up for silent dinner and on our walk back to the dorm she told me, "I've been thinking about this all day and I've decided to take the Five Mindfulness Trainings (the 5 Precepts)." I tried to feign nonchalance and commented brightly, "Oh really?" but I had to turn my head slightly to the side to hide the tears welling up in my eyes. All I could think of was the pink bookmark I'd purchased the day before. It quotes Thich Nhat Hanh:

I walk for you.
You smile for me.
We awaken together.

ZK has a dharma name now: Loving Compassion of the Heart, chosen for her by her long adored Brother Phap B. I stood off to the side as the young monk who is only perhaps twice her age and possibly twice her height explained that he chose her name to be like his which also includes Compassion of the Heart, because she is his "continuation".
More looking out windows, holding back tears. I'm so grateful we awaken together.

Zenmom
Authentic Kindness of the Heart

Illusion

It all started in 1960, the year I was born. That's when my troubles began....

LOL! It's good to be back to my little blog after a self-imposed foray into less enjoyable writing as I smashed all the written requirements for a graduate course into 3 months. I wonder just how amused the prof was to receive my last paper emailed at 3:01 am on June 29 for a June 30 deadline. Apparently I have no shame.

My gleeful 13 you was even more delighted when my husband made the observation that my academic style hadn't changed much in 20 years. Oh, I retorted, but now I really am too busy for words. Twenty years ago I just thought I was. My voice trailed off as a tiny idea about habit energy arose in my mind. Indeed it had occurred to me that this was indeed a case of "Different decade, same behavior" along with the realization that there are just some kinds of discomfort with which I am quite comfortable. In fact it turns out that many other parts of my life are marked by thriving on a bit of adrenaline - having to pare down priorities, think quick, work fast. It's not so admirable but I noticed that when I received my grade in the mail, I had a distinct feeling, not of accomplishment or pride so much as of winning. This kind of stuff insinuates itself into my life and even starts to become part of who I think I am. Don Quixote tilting at windmills-at best. Suffering, causes of suffering, clinging to suffering. Groan.

Cut to Buddhanet Audio. I am listening to Pasada, from the Edinburgh Buddhist Centre, reading a translation of the Heart Sutra that is new to me. I am struck by how tiny differences in the translation open the door to new understanding. For instance, this translation talks about Avalokita being indifferent to any kind of personal attainment rather than "there is no attainment". It refers to the bodhisattvas "dwelling without thought covering" which seems to me to be a great image of what my usual translation calls "obstacles of mind". It goes on to say that because of this reliance on perfect understanding the bodhisattvas "overcome what can upset" ie. illusion and says that one should know prajnaparamita as the great mantra, the "allayer of suffering, in truth. For what could go wrong?" All this to contemplate and I've only gotten to the second of 14 mp3 files. You can hear it at http://www.buddhanet.net/audio-talks.htm Warning- You will fall in love with Pasada's voice.

So I am taking another time out...actually going on family retreat for a week with the monks and nuns from the Green Mountain Dharma Center and Maple Grove Monastery in Vermont. I'd like to take some time to see how "what can upset" is in fact, illusion and consider how I can loosen my grasp a little without feeling like I'm losing, or I'm not me anymore, or that there is a solid me to hang on to. I'm up for a little less suffering and know that with a bit of courage, and support from the sangha, it is entirely possible. I know this thanks to all of you who keep practicing and sharing your practice, even when I'm "on leave".

Thanks for your faithfulness.


Zenmom
Authentic Kindness of the Heart